I have to walk through every day so carefully. Each step placed after the first with trepidity, because, its waiting to happen. I am so scared a ditch is going to open up and I'll fall through, like Alice, only gored and scratched till I'm drained of blood when I reach the bottom.And there I'll lie blue and dying.Waiting for death that never shows its elusive face. And when it does causes so much pain, such a lot of pain, that I run again...only running from your last resort leaves with no place to run to. So I just keep running and running till I faint exhausted and near dead; but Never Dead.
I am so frightened of happiness...it always shows up before intense mental agony. I am scared of day cause night has to follow and there's no escaping it.
But I am trying.... trying to not think about what is to follow... and only concentrate on the few stolen minutes of peace. To live oblivious in the calm before storm takes over and shreds me into tiny pieces of maimed shadow. The evanscence of normalcy is terrifying name. I hope you'll never know the true meaning of my words and the horror of this process that I go through night in and day out.


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